Mindgardens Poetry

The Pain Inside

2012-01-08T05:44:00.000-08:00

Hidden behind these eyes is a pain
That no one will ever truly understand
Shamefully, I veil them beneath my mirth
And carry on as though all things are grand
Misfortunate events and bad choices
Are all that I have to bring to this table
For the greatest of things was there already
Slip, slip, slipping further... I'm unstable
Hiding my pain has become the norm
How could I possibly explain the truth
I've tried but all I hear is myself
My selfish behavior has become uncouth
Wallowing in pity, mourning a loss
Blinded I've been to the love before me
Callous even.... thoughtless.... hurtful....
Numbed just a little.... by the shocking irony
This could get interesting....
Who knows....

Written June 17, 2007

Passion's Polarity

2012-01-08T05:25:00.000-08:00

The love I once felt is changed forever
Destroyed by words of anger and pain
Like fire and ice, we were passion's polarity
Calmed into a lull by the night's gentle rain

Bittersweet are my memories of you
Leaving scattered footprints in my mind
Our time together was beyond compare
Yet somehow... it was angry words we left behind

How did we get here, you and I?
At what point did we cross the line?
Coming together was inevitable for us
Why couldn't we stop the crash in time?

Despite everything, you'll not be forgotten
I miss your smile, your voice, your sensual touch
I miss gazing longingly into your gentle eyes
Perhaps it matters not but I'll miss you so much

Calico

2011-11-05T21:20:00.001-07:00

Pieces of me now come together
A harmonious being of patchwork
Blending the fibers of my soul
With a rainbow of emotions to sort

My lips have tasted the sweeter side
And these eyes have seen the darkness
Experiencing all the many alluring facets
Of life's ever evolving path to happiness

Passionately driven to define perfection
I find fault in every strength that I possess
Overwhelmed by my darkest of fears but
Painfully aware of my innermost weakness

Calico images unveiled from deep within
You see a mask but there's more to me
Hiding behind the pieces put together
I show you only what you need to see

A poem I wrote for my "Behind the Mask" class.
-Bonny

Urushiol Tattoo

2011-11-05T21:05:00.001-07:00

Something sinister lurks beneath
Wickedly dancing under my skin
Taking possession of my body
Like heated embers of a fire within

Devouring hungrily upon my flesh
Of a red and rosy colored hue
Itching wildly beyond my control
To rid myself of this urushiol tattoo

Having foolishly been where I should not
I bear the marks of accidental sin
Seeking furiously my heated release
I desperately embrace this temporary solution

Stepping into the scalding water
I welcome the maddening euphoric rush
Stripping my skin of its histamines
Ahh.... eight sweet hours of blissful hush

While this poem was deliberately written to be mus-interpretted, it was actually written about an experience I had with poison ivy some years back where I learned that scalding hot water helps alleviate the itching associated with poison ivy and most any other types of itch. It also provides such an intense rush that it is nearly addictive. Don't believe me? Try it sometime... if you dare! :D

Don't You Dare Follow that Hare!

2010-10-20T19:23:00.000-07:00

The first time you smiled
My heart sung with delight
Your eyes twinkled so brightly
Just like stars in the night

You soon learned to walk
Not long after, you ran
I watched as you grew
Into my handsome little man

With love I would guide you
But you followed another
Right down the path you went
Too far from your mother

I ran as fast as I could
But I couldn't catch you
You chased a white rabbit
Beyond the woods into the kudzu

I cried and I begged of you
Please don't go, please don't you dare
Listen to your mother my love
Please don't follow that hare!

I saw you smile back at me
And then you were gone
Your journey began that day
As you disappeared beyond

I would see you again of course
Every single day thereafter
Just a reflection in the mirror
Yet I could still hear your laughter

So I stretched out my arms
As I desperately reached out for you
But you were on the other side
Of a looking glass looking through

I wondered what had happened
When you followed that rabbit
He took you down his deep hole
To the Mad Hatter's banquet

I watch and I wait for your return
But each day you travel further
Into a world that I cannot follow
A world meant for you and no other

If one day you should find
Your way back from this journey
Just know I will be here waiting
For my little love to come back to me

Love, Mommy
©2010

My son was diagnosed with PDD earlier this year along with ADHD and ODD. Sometimes it feels like he's gone to a world he'll never return. I will always hold hope that one day he will be able to overcome his problems. He is my baby and always will be. This poem was written through my bewilderment and frustration with my son's illnesses, a symbolic expression of how I sometimes feel. I love my son. He is my life. I will dedicate my world to fixing his. Don't You Dare Follow that Hare!

Lurking Within

2007-02-17T01:01:00.000-08:00

Lurking deep within my mind
Is the never-ending memory of
A moment never meant for me
Reminders of an unspeakable love

Memories haunt me everywhere
I long to be free but I just cry
I hear your name most every day
My heart is sinking deep inside

Many months, turned to years
You were my teacher, my friend
My confidant...my lover, but
All things must come to an end.

Moving On....

2006-10-21T22:35:00.000-07:00

Those spying eyes may now be gone
And as painful as it was to see you go
It is just as relieving to finally be free
Of the presence I once used to know

Releasing my heart from your grasp
I cleanse my mind of your memories
No place within me belonged to you
I shall no longer place you in my worries

Transcending beyond the shallow confines
Of my ever expanding, shifting heart
To escape the wrongs of yesterday
I must find the path to a fresh new start

All things change; it is inevitably true
There is no stop or rewind button in this life
We must simply analyze the options we have
And hope the choices that we make are right

Windows

2006-09-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

Windows open like little minds
Absorbing all that passes by
Like conversations overheard
But keeping safe, what's inside

Wonderous secrets lurk within
The windows show only a glimpse
Of the world beyond the darkened glass
This ever cycling mental eclipse

Haunted memories dance beneath
The crumbling exterior of my mind
Like a window shut to the world outside
One blurry memory is now defined

Paths to destiny lead those that follow
Patterns are repeated as always before
A step once taken will become dejavue
The shattering glass is somehow the cure

SAWEMA

2006-05-22T20:33:00.000-07:00

Scented candles waxing my thoughts tonight
As I silently sit alone in this darkened room
Waiting for a brilliant thought that just might
Enchant my senses or possibly and entirely consume
My vividly taunting, hopeless imagination
A memory once paused perhaps might resume

Music drifting softly into the quiet night
And my curious thoughts pound hard inside my mind
Staring blankly into the gentle candlelight
Mesmerized by its burning beauty, I begin to unwind
Whirling thoughts begin to creep... I'm drifting
Away into another world, another time, I rewind

Fuzzy images dancing around within my head
Sounds and feelings and things left unsaid play
Over and over again and again... one more time
And then another, some memories never do go away
People, places, things I've done, now a memory
But I am whole, I'm here, I breathe.... and I'm okay

-Bonny 2006

Watching You Watching Me

2006-03-25T14:23:00.000-08:00

Oblivious to the eyes upon you
As you sift through my thoughts at will
Betrayal still inside your mind
Or you wouldn't be so curious still

Hidden eyes in secret places
Sitting quietly in the dark
Watching you watching me
As you unwittingly make your mark

I ponder silently what I should do
Stop you now or continue to watch
My eyes see all who wander through
It just so happens you've been caught

Alternate Reality

2006-01-24T18:24:00.000-08:00

Take the mesh from my eyes
And let me see the world
My reality is not your own
In your mind, I'm just a whore

Falling pieces come undone
Watch me struggle in need
You see a mask; you don't see me
Just pretend I'm having fun

Gone is my pride; gone is my mind
All that is left is my little white-ass behind
Alone with my thoughts; alone in my pain
Voices fill my head; they all say I'm insane

Alone in this dark is where I dwell
No place to go; no heaven, no hell
Too tired and scared to face the next day
No desire to know what fate will throw my way

You say life is peachy
Well, I care not for fruit
My mind wanders aimlessly
There is no hope for truth

by Bonny & Billy - ©1999 to present

You And I

2006-01-22T17:46:00.000-08:00

You say that I can be cruel
I think you could be right
You blame me for my anger
My bark is weaker than my bite

You sometimes do not trust me
I have only told you the truth
You love me when I'm unfaithful
I yearn for all things taboo

You often ignore what I say
I just get louder and speak my mind
You close me out and walk away
But I'm angry and I'm not far behind

You think that you can't talk to me
I have my own point of view
You want me to shut up and listen
To what you think about things too

You feel that I'm unfair to you
I am trying to make you understand
You need to be more self-sufficient
And start believing that you can

You're afraid that I don't want you
I really just want us to be happy
You stand beside me, but I pull away
Being near you makes me feel snappy

I often ask you why you still love me
You plainly tell me that you just do
I don't deserve this unconditional love
But you're a part of me and I love you too.

My Birthright

2006-01-22T17:21:00.001-08:00

Teardrops misting gently upon my cheek
As I often wonder why I wander away
From what I know and all that I trust
And find solace in this game of wordplay

Slowly diverging from who I once was
Some part of my old self surely remains
People will go but more will arrive
No part of tomorrow will ever be the same

Eraser in hand, I try to clean the slate
History has been written in permanent ink
A deafening scream sheers through my head
As I painfully realize nothing is in sync

A treacherous idea is etched in my thoughts
No erase and rewind button is in clear sight
Restless energy takes on a life of its own
This constant insanity must be my birthright

Fighting to stay in control of my thoughts
Grasping onto some semblance of this reality
Forging an alliance with my imagination
I have to wonder about my fleeting mentality

But then I struggle to remember something
Oh yea, I've been here many times before
Another moment has passed through my life
Challenging me again to a game of bi-polar

Do you?

2006-01-22T17:21:00.000-08:00

Do you remember how it felt to touch me
Or how my kisses would stir you deep within
Can you feel the heat building when you recall
How my lips softly brushed against your skin?

Do you still awaken so late at night and
Are you still plagued with thoughts about me
Or have you succeeded in forgetting everything
Can you really move on without another memory?

Do you remember the way we danced so close
As if we would never again see one another
So close to a beginning but already at the end
Our first kiss that night, was like no other.

Do you feel my body against yours when you dream
Does your mind play tricks on you when you're with her
And are you curious to know if I'm thinking of you
Are you certain your choices can withstand forever?

Do you remember making love to me again and again
Wishing that moment wouldn't have to be our last
Can you still taste me on your lips when you think back
Do you still have no regrets... for these moments in our past?

Little Wonders

2006-01-22T17:19:00.001-08:00

Little feet and little hands
Curious fingers and ticklish toes
Dimpled cheeks with a smile so big
Perfected sweetly with a pudgy nose

Happy baby with twinkling eyes
Giggling, laughing, so innocent
Cuddly, playful, smart as can be
An angel like this must be heaven sent

A mother's wish, a dream come true
My little wonder is growing fast
Yesterday has come and gone, but
These tender moments aren't meant to last

I love you more than anything ever Jonathan

by Bonny - ©2005 to present

Faces

2006-01-22T17:19:00.000-08:00

A face is a mask that all people wear
Some are worn guardedly and some without care

A face depicts moods and emotions we feel
And sometimes what we see isn't always real

A face is like armor if we wear it the right way
But a face can betray us if we don't mean what we say

A face can bring happiness and warmth to others
Or send chills up the spines of those we call lovers

A face can be deceptive and tell many lies
Or be worn to hide what we wish to disguise

My face is wearing what I cannot describe
For so many feelings and emotions are whirling inside

by Bonny - ©2005 to present

The Forgetting

2006-01-22T17:18:00.001-08:00

Dancing in the moment
Forgetting to remember
What should be priority
In this chilly month of december

Any mind would mind
These secrets that I hide
But I am without worry
I still have dignity and pride

Wandering within
This tantalizing array
Of feelings and emotions
My wicked mind will play

Pretending not to care
I sometimes forget I do
Attracted to the thought
Of forgetting I ever knew

by Bonny - ©2005 to present

Then and Now

2006-01-22T17:18:00.000-08:00

I pour my heart upon this page
As I reminisce of memories come and gone
Knowing now what I knew not then
And having reached beyond the beyond

The passion and pleasures we must forget
Not one stolen moment, maybe two
Maybe more, but I'm not counting
My memories are fading..... and so are you....

I long for what was once before
The whirlwind of insane desires
A time less confusing and slower in pace
But those days have long since expired

We move forward but further away
From what we knew of one another
Into something I no longer understand
The friends we were, we are no longer

I miss my friend....

by Bonny - ©2005 to present

Vengence

2006-01-22T17:12:00.000-08:00

The deck's all laid out
As always, the Ace is never on top
Poor baby; you sure can't win for lose
Because noone ever taught you when to stop

It boils in your blood
As it races through your veins
No, it's no ordinary addiction
For your only pleasure will be pain

It will have you in fits in rage
Before it will let you live in peace
The only cure you'll find is within
The anguish you harbor will spread like a disease

by Bonny - ©1999 to present

Poisoned Soul

2006-01-22T17:11:00.001-08:00

Let me damn you with my love
I will hurt you with my tongue
Offer me your heart to crush
My words will kill before too long

Trust me now for I am sweet
Fooled you good: you come again
Give to me your complete attention
Forgive me now for I will sin

Hold out your hand and I will take
Spend your time with me and I shall waste
Bear your soul and feel my sting
No need to run: I'm here to stay

by Bonny - ©1999 to present

TANSTAAFL

2006-01-22T17:11:00.000-08:00

(There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch)

There's a little story
That I really must tell
About two bad boys
Named Chip and Dale

One's selling drugs
While the other one's doped
Chip had a dream
But he lost all hope

Running from the cops
Never looked so hard
Now Dale's wishing like hell
He never stole that car

The Devil's gonna catch ya
No matter where you run
Poor little Chip
Never should have played with guns

You know when you play with fire
You gotta pay the price
When you lose at your own games
It's like rolling the dice

Now you read it in the paper
No you didn't miss a word
If you were a better mother
Noone would be hurt

by Bonny - ©1999 to present
(special thanks to an old friend for the name of this poem)

Untold Prayer

2006-01-22T17:10:00.002-08:00

Dear Mommy and Daddy
I know you cannot hear me
But there is something I want to say
For there is so much I've yet to do and see

I love you both so very much
And I pray you love me too
Please don't send me back
I deserve a chance to be with you

My every dream is to be born
To experience life as you know
I'm not asking for miracles that cannot happen
Just love and cherish me as I grow

by Bonny - ©1999 to present

Maybe

2006-01-22T17:10:00.001-08:00

Maybe... you will smile at me
Maybe... you will listen to me
Maybe... you will see the light
Maybe... you will set me free

Maybe... today will be the day
Maybe... we will find our peace
Maybe.. my heart won't break this time
Maybe... the tears will cease

Maybe... it won't hurt so bad
Maybe... the hand will show mercy
Maybe... your kisses will heal my swollen lips
Maybe... I will forgive me

Maybe the sun will shine
Maybe the rain will fall
Maybe the leaves will turn
Maybe I will forget it all

...MAYBE...

by Bonny - ©1999 to present

Trapped

2006-01-22T17:10:00.000-08:00

Shed are thy ashes
Upon this life
A new burden piercing
Sharp as a knife

Hate is like fire
That burns through the soul
Scorching my pride
With bitterness so cold

Sin is the candy
That feeds on us all
Morbid pleasure
Becomes marshal law

Tears turn to ice
Blood burns like acid
Stench is the fragrance
When life becomes rancid

I can lick all my wounds
But I can never be free
Trapped within the past is the future
Waiting for what? What will be?

by Bonny & Billy - ©1999 to present

Silent Surrender

2006-01-22T17:09:00.002-08:00

Shooting stars
Stolen moments
Breathless nights
I can't control it

Is it love
Will it fade
Is it free
Or will I pay

Will I live
Will I die
Feels so perfect
I could fly

The night is young
And so are we
I couldn't imagine
A better place to be

New experiences
Intense emotions
Out of control
Into explosions

Passionate promises
Sweet sensations
Seductive melodies
I'm losing patience

by Bonny - ©1999 to present

Moment

2006-01-22T17:09:00.001-08:00

Give me a moment
And I shall be
Everything you want
Anything you need

Give me a moment
And I shall say
Words of sweet passion
As I whisper your name

Give me a moment
And I shall cry
For all our happy moments
And all this precious time

Give me a moment
And I shall show you
All the love I feel inside
To share, to be, to know the truth

And in that moment
You will know
I LOVE YOU!!!

by Bonny - ©1999 to present

Ode to Becky

2006-01-22T17:09:00.000-08:00

You closed your eyes forever
How long is forever
Will you ever open your eyes again
Who's eyes will you open next
Will your new eyes ever see mine again
I so long to see your old ones
Old eyes, old memories
New eyes, new memories
I get the feeling this is where we forget
Old eyes, old feelings
I get the feeling that feelings change
Old eyes, old knowledge
New eyes, new knowledge
I get the feeing we know nothing

.............................................

You closed your eyes forever
Forever ended yesterday
Once again, you open your new eyes
Who are you this time?

by Bonny - ©1999 to present

Soil of My Imagination

2006-01-22T17:08:00.001-08:00

Is this love
Is this torture
Is this temporary
Or could it be forever

Will you treasure me
Will you hate me
Will you forgive me
It must be my own insanity

Should I ask these questions
Do I have any right
Is it not my life to live
My love is your restless night

Do I not tell you my darkest secrets
They are the soil of my imagination
Fantasy to reality
Such daring inspirations

Do you really know me
Do you think anyone knows me
Do you think I am real
Perhaps your reality is merely my fantasy

Are you destiny
Are you everything I need
Are you lonely
When my lusty heart bleeds

I so often seek companionship
Where your heart does not beat
My unholy desires remain in remission
Why must love rule so bittersweet...

by Bonny - ©1999 to present
This poem is not to be claimed by anyone else on ANY dating site or anywhere else for that matter. You are welcome to share with others, but please DO NOT think you can claim ownership in anyway to this poem. It is mine, I wrote it and put it here to share with others.

Tearsdrop

2006-01-22T17:08:00.000-08:00

Flowing gently down my cheek
A crystal clear drop of my pain
Splashing down into my palms
As I hold close my entrapped brain

Whirling fast with no restraint
A mind wanders beyond insane
No outline for what will be
Only time will set me free

One more day and then the next
Unthought plans set to play
Making beds for which to sleep
Eyes wide open ; dreams fly away

Looking deep into the shallow
Blind to happiness, I see sorrow
Venturing far to stay close by
Holding a hand for fear of life

by Bonny - ©1999 to present

Music of Life

2006-01-22T17:07:00.002-08:00

Music playing in my head
Life so full yet still so dead
Waiting, looking, finding you
Sad song tells a story true

A face appears; who could you be
An angel or demon here with me
The music stopped; a new melody begins
I've searched all over; where have you been

Music playing in my head
Life so full; I look ahead
Dancing, singing, loving you
Melodies of love tell a story true

Time passed by and you're still here
Life, love, and memories we do share
The music fades; a new melody plays
I see our dreams fading away

Music pounding in my head
Life so full and I see red
Careless, reckless; I'm hurting you
Symphonies of confusion tell a story true

Now an Angel's wing is broken
Tears, pain and mistrust I did bring
The harsh music lingers on
And I can't find a new song

Songbirds singing in my ear
Life so full; I stop to hear
Standing, sitting, running free
Searching again for my destiny

by Bonny - ©1999 to present

Thought for a Thought

2006-01-22T17:07:00.001-08:00

Beyond the beyond, is never far
Lurking somewhere in every heart
Tempting fate as never before
A thought for a thought; My friend you are

And in my mind, I sometimes see
Alternate choices that could be
But in my life, I cherish thee
For friendship is eternity

Dedicated to Dexter, my friend.
by Bonny - ©2000 to present

Beyond the Beyond

2006-01-22T17:07:00.000-08:00

Sweet sentiments of sensual seductions
Monopolize my every thought of you
Quickened pulse with every word
Of hidden symbolic meanings ensued

And mental images of secret places
In which an unbound mind may wander
Heighten my awareness of what could be
Within this storm of turbulent thunder

Looking beyond this drowning emotion
Pool of longing for what is not to be
Into the center of one stolen moment
A mind will see the glory of your entirety

by Bonny - ©1999 to present
Inspired by Dexter
10-3-00

Addiction

2006-01-22T17:06:00.002-08:00

As the bloody tears caress my cheeks
I see my friend what you have done
For fault lies within you but you are blind
To play with death is all but fun

The path you follow is dark and reckless
Destined to lead you to your ultimate fears
Your game is competitive and yes you may lose
Not everything you see is just as it appears

You do not know it, but you are lost
Surrounded within the tantalizing poison
An all consuming power corrupts your very soul
Forcing your world into oblivion

Bitter-sweet is the fire you swallow
For happy days are all you seek
Today, it will be your joy and comfort
Tomorrow can be nothing but cold and bleak

by Bonny - ©1999 to present

Wait for Love

2006-01-22T17:06:00.000-08:00

She blazed into your life and opened
Your heart and mind to every whim
And every desire she stirred within
You my friend.... and then

She drank of your body and your soul
Drained you of your essence
Devouring what she could for herself
And you become the evanescence

Of a life once full and rich with
A dream and a hope of tomorrow
But wait.... there is still yet
Another tomorrow, although

It may not be everything that you
Once had hoped and wished it to be
Because life is rich with mysteries
Waiting to be discovered, and finally

Another lover may enter your life
Stirring within all the hope and desire
And love you only thought you once knew
But never with such passion and fire

As the love you have yet to experience....

by Bonny - ©2003 to present

Human Condition

2006-01-22T17:05:00.002-08:00

Tears are dropping in my mind
This plastic smile is all you see
Digital images of a love once had
And then you tempt me with eternity

Forgotten moments play again
Reversing all I thought I knew
Expanding and contracting, never ending
A universe alive inside of you

Evolution is born again
It all began with you and him
Evolution is born again

A faded traveler stumbles home
He knows he's been there once before
All that is familiar is never the same
How many times had he walked through that door?

Timeless mortality ends with a beginning
Recycling memories yet to unfold
A life will end in the instant it began
The cycle completes a story not told

Evolution is born again
It all began with you and him
Evolution is born again

Time to turn the hourglass
The sands are nearing the end
So close to completing destiny
All that was gained must be lost again
Lost again

by Bonny - ©2001 to present